Boaz or Bust: Proverbs 31 wasn’t intended for You

By Guest Contributing Writer & Film Director, Velissa Robinson

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Hello women,

I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Mostly because you’re always in danger. I know this because the Interweb keeps reaching out to you (and me), trying to help, with all of its article power and survey might to make sure you have every tool imaginable to fight the ultimate crisis of our time: being a single woman. It mostly looks like an article in Cosmopolitan Magazine about a certain number of ways to please your man: get one, keep one, drive one wild with a magic trick only you (and every other woman who’s read the article) will know. Although I’ve never seen an article about driving you wild, but I digress…

Since us Christian women are not driving anyone wild until marriage, I thought perhaps we were safe from the disaster that the Internet is trying to save us from. After all, our lives are about wholeness, holiness and occupying ourselves until He comes. And yet, I’ve sat in many Single’s Nights at church, where the conversation is always about tips for not having sex, attracting a mate, and being ready for said mate. It’s always full of women, and always directed towards what women can do better to be ready for when Boaz (or whoever) finally comes. The preparation is rarely financial or practical, but almost always only about learning the things a wife needs to know. While I can enjoy a star studded panel on the application of submission or Proverbs 31 like anyone else (actually, nah…  call me when it’s over lol), I can’t help but to notice all of these talks (and articles) come down to one idea: Learn what  {read: all) men want and become that. We’re diseased with singleness and we need help finding a cure. The cure to singleness, apparently, is a better understanding of what men want and need.

I’d like to submit something controversial to you. Hopefully it doesn’t shake your foundation. Consider this: Proverbs 31 isn’t for you. I’m not saying that you can’t learn from it, but it wasn’t written for wives or wives to be. It was advice from a mother to her son. The Bible tells wives to submit themselves to their husbands, right? (Although the Bible also says for husbands and wives to submit themselves to each other, getting into that would again be a digression…). If your husband brought up that you should be submitting to him, he would be throwing in your face what God told YOU to do, instead of concentrating on what God told HIM to do.  It’s not his job to police you on your job. In the same vein, it’s not your job to police him about what God told him to do. If we’re following this pattern: play with what your life would look like if you stopped trying to anticipate what your (future) husband is looking for, and begin looking for signifiers that men you’re thinking about dating are like the husband in Proverbs 31.

There’s a husband in Proverbs 31? Yes. What kind of marriage would give you the freedom and flexibility to ponder fields and purchase them, have servants to look after and multiple children to keep warm? He’s respected at the city gates and has an amazing reputation. What would happen if you did a trust fall with God and allowed Him to shape you into the woman He wanted? No 10 tricks, nobody being driven wild. Just you and Him. Your Boaz or David or Hosea is out there stacking money, getting promotions and going skiing.  There is no good thing that God is withholding from you. You don’t have a disease, you have an opportunity to do and feel all of the things your grandmother wish she had. So get on some skis!

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